Serial Grief .... I couldn't have said it better....

Doesn't that just really say it well? Serial Grief. I can't think of a better way to describe in two words what the NM's trail of destruction conjures.

Not ever having a mother is grieved from day one. Having those who do love you taken away both physically when possible, and psychologically when not was grief beyond measure.

Psychological ways of taking away our loved ones are through lies, tricks, and insinuations in triangular communication about us and them to them and us from the narcissistic 'mother.'

I hate to write 'mother' because  not a single narcissistic person deserves the title. They don't qualify because you have to be able to be selfless and you must know love - unconditional love in order to be a mother.  Most narcs are monsters - monstermoms would be a better choice than mothers.

Jealousy is usually the reason the NM's take away those that love us.  NM's are jealous you are being loved and some NM's are jealous you are loving someone besides them.  They must be worshiped... and they alone, or you will pay.

It doesn't matter if that person who loves you as a child is your own grandmother, grandfather, or father - NM is going to find a way to take them away from you.

You then grieve also your own father and your grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, and friends.  If it serves her purpose NM will take away a loved pet, also with a lie.  They are jealous of the attention you give to the family pets, your dad, your friends, neighbors and so on.

Some of you (often the golden child) had to grow up without a childhood in order to mother your NM... to be the show piece for her, and to listen to NM's endless slander of friends and family members as you become her emotional support and confidant.  You grieve here your own childhood.

NM places permanent wedges between you and all your siblings.  The forgotten child and the scapegoat grieve their siblings and no matter the work they put into wanting a relationship in their adult lives, it's likely beyond ever coming to fruition in a healthy, lasting way. You love your siblings but you and your siblings are emotionally paralyzed to relate in soft, kind, caring, and meaningfully trusting ways. One doesn't trust, the other doesn't love, the other dismisses you, the other loves you but doesn't believe you.  All from the fall out of the destruction by the NM.  ALL of it.  You grieve deeply your siblings. Siblings grieve each other.

She wedges exactly the same way between you and your father from birth to his or your death, especially if he loved you unconditionally. You grieve him in life then and in death.  Even though you and he didn't allow the wedges to take hold - they did create an encumbrance - feelings of confusion, constant forgiveness (for things never said and or never having happened), and despair at the worst of the lies NM dreamt up to destroy he and you.  It was insane.  You both were forgiving each other for the lies the NM told you both behind each other's backs about what each other, said about the other - which to a degree you both believed, hence your constant forgiveness without a word to each other about it or the forgiveness.  It was all in your hearts.  NM was never deterred.  You grieved, endlessly, for your father before and after his death.  You grieved the normal relationship. You grieve your father.

You grieved that your children weren't loved by the NM, but treated like objects or worse.  You grieved that your children's relationship with their grandpa was also conditioned and controlled by the NM.  The only relationship that was achieved was when the NM was sleeping in the morning and your dad got up early and made breakfast for the kids the times you slept over.

That's right. The treatment was never enough. You always wanted more time ... more chances... to be the beloved daughter ... the good and dutiful enough daughter to one day be loved and treated kindly by the NM and allowed to enjoy your father without further threats or wedges after you leave.  You grieved this never happening. You grieved your own credibility. You grieved never having a visit with your parents and driving home in a contented way - reflecting on the kindness - the interactions - the love.

You grieved being kicked out of your sick father's house for placing a healthy boundary with the NM. You grieved his illness, threatening to die without to say goodbye to you.  You grieved flying to say goodbye and being shunned by the NM, GC, and your brother.  You grieved not sleeping the whole three nights there and crying all night long alone in your little sister's house in your dying father's town.

You grieved your father's suffering for being denied his morphine by the NM. You grieved his death. You grieved his life.  You grieved his death.  You grieved an easy fun, full relationship with him.  You grieved his death.

You began this post grieving not ever having a mother, and now it finishes with NOT grieving the NM as you confidently and lovingly go NO CONTACT with your narcissistic 'mother.'

Serial Grief.  You grieve, your siblings grieve, your grandparents grieved, your neighbors grieved, school friends of my little sister grieved, your father grieved, your Aunts and Uncles grieved, family friends grieved.  You name them.  If the NM was touching down in need of narcissistic supply, and they were or are there, they now grieve.

There are times during the managing her own businesses, the NM was getting supply in one way while being kind to her customers in another.  There are plenty of successful businessnarcs. You just have to be glad she was 'nice' to you, but know that the very same evening she was on the phone with me trashing my husband, his family, my children, my father, my sisters, their children and spouses, my brother, my dead grandparents, and probably you, eventually.

The accusations didn't end with me and my family.  Oh no, she had her favorite go to accusations and suspicions of people who worked for her over the course of both businesses and of the customers. The go to accusations I will not disclose because they are mean and hurtful, and the reason they never made any sense to me over the years was because they were all LIES.

Serial Grief.  It was, and it still remains for some.

But for me and my little sister who I will always remember as innocent and having a sweet heart - we escaped that grief.  We walked away.  We even got a measure of closure.  So all the lies that are (for sure) circulating right now in Florida, even sitll having to do perhaps with us do not, will not, and cannot affect us.

Serial Grief, the serial stops here.