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If they are not minors, we cannot do effectively for people what they need to do for themselves.
Now, it is imperative to love and care for ourselves and to protect that adorable inner child we all carry with us.
That tender vision of our beautiful heart remains encased in the constant presence of our love and protection.
As we evolve emotionally, we reassure the child within us that we are present, and we promise to make all the best choices in order to keep her safe.
In the course of everyday life when often we can stumble on the emotional evolutionary path, it is important to remind ourselves that we are responsible now for our inner child and it is our first priority in life to love and protect her. Whenever cognitive dissonance knocks on our minds, we can ask ourselves what we would decide if a small child were depending on that decision. It is often a no brainer to realize that doing for ourselves needs to be as loving and protective as what we would expect of ourselves in the doing for others.
Empaths often face a real challenge learning to love themselves as they already love others. But it can be learned. Further they need to find the joy in loving themselves more than they do and have loved others. In the beginning it is a daily practice, adding more and more acts of kindness and self love until those behaviors become daily routine. Habitual self care and self love eventually leads to a new normal way of life and the Joy we have been seeking our whole lives.
People, relationships, work, food, drugs, and other distractions are not ever going to GIVE us the joy we experience when we have real self love. Everyone's foundation from which their whole life moves forward is made up of who we really are and what we believe about ourselves. When we love ourselves, that's who we are. Loving.
When empaths are exposed to toxic people, toxic relating, and narcissists, they risk having that whole foundation shaken. Narcs leave a trail of destruction behind them wherever they go and with whomever they deal. Dealing with these people leaves us with cracks in our foundation, but it is our responsibility to protect that promise we made to our inner child and face the situation head-on, We need to cut the narc off at the pass. We now know how to hold the narc accountable, dismiss them and MOVE on.
When we don't react negatively to toxicity we aren't drained of any of our Joy. Now, we can go back and shore up the cracks left by the narcs in our foundation without a single crutch. We have the energy now to navigate the rocky waters in everyday life, that before going no contact the narc took from us.
You know, now that we understand that it's nothing personal, it's so easy to manage dealing effectively with these narcs. The key here is to know narcs love no one - whatever it is about what they did or are doing or are trying to do, it is NOT about real love. It's just business. Everything with narcs is just business even within narc families.
It is very helpful to realize that All of the confusion over the years about why the NM didn't love you and why the golden child and others believed her lies is ALL just business. The GC doesn't love you either if she/he is still playing the narc games. Same with them as with the narc (and often the GC is also a narc if not they have a great number of the traits for narcissism), it is just business. They Do Not Care what reality is, they want to remain dysfunctional and frankly toxic - it is their first priority because it serves the narc. And it's all about whatever serves the narc. If you are no longer serving the narc, it's no skin off their nose. It's just business as they move on to their next target/s.
The knowing and fully understanding how seriously the NM and the GC Do Not even care about you, let alone love you, actually is a gift in recovery. As awful as the reality is, it makes the NC a breeze and gives you leave to recover by leaps and bounds totally unfettered.
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