The angel did have an effect on me that day, and I never forgot him. I accepted Khaled's proposal and it was the best decision I ever made.

The year was 1984, and I was standing atop the United States Post Office long set of steps with Khaled in Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania.

I was just then taking a deep breath, watching the street and the people below before we were to begin the descent. A round older gentleman in a dark suit and open jacket, I noticed with purpose came walking up the block. He looked up as he went, his thick legs and wide, worn black shoes marched swiftly. The old man's eyes were fixed on me, and then he turned onto the walk for the steps to the Post Office, climbing all of them until he was face to face with me.

Khaled was standing beside me, and it was as if time had stood still that we didn't start walking down the steps, and instead we almost knew we were supposed to stand there for some reason.

Actually, I had a feeling as we stood on the Post Office steps that this was a presentment, and so did Khaled.

The old man took his lapel with his left hand and pointed at my face with his right, saying, "You are a very troubled person." I didn't allow him to finish. Being totally emotionally immature and at the zero end of the spectrum for any kind of growth or maturity, I shot back with, "What?  Ha!  Look at you!!  You're not exactly the full deck of cards yourself! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!"

And it was so strange. Such an odd moment that I can't even tell you what became of this man.  Did he turn around and descend the stairs, or did he maneuver around us and push through the Post Office doors?  I have no idea. It's more like it never happened or "Poof" he disappeared. But, it did happen and the best part is Khaled was with me and still remembers the event.

Khaled was fully healthy, but very patient. He never once shamed me or questioned my behavior - and man - there were many times over the years he could have, this being one of those times.  Instead, Khaled smiled at me and took my hand as we walked home together - babbling on about the restaurant where we both worked, and the continued discussion about his proposal to marry me.

But, I tucked this event in the back of my mind, where once in a while I would venture to revisit and try to figure out what it was all about. It was like an ethereal moment. I do recall that very shortly after, I was sorry I didn't listen to this man. I was ashamed of my reaction, and so wished I was more like Khaled. Laid back, confident, and standing on a good solid foundation. He had so much hope and promise about life and the future that you just knew nothing could ever destroy us. Being with Khaled felt like a dream. Beside my obvious challenges, wherever you were with him, the air was clear and felt good. The house was always a comfortable, warm, welcoming place to be. And nobody ever walked on eggshells in our home! I guess this translates to it was beautiful being together - no control freaks in sight.

I had a feeling then, and I am almost sure now, that this man was an angel. He was on a mission I thought as I saw him from down the block and all the way to the Post Office, up the steps, and right to my face. And it was so weird that the two of us, Khaled and me, paused there on that landing for no reason, ending up watching this man, almost expecting him to come to us, though, still, we were perplexed when it happened.

During these healing years, thirty years after this event, I keep revisiting what happened and trying to figure out what it means - what more the old man was going to say before I so rudely dismissed him. I mean, I'm sure had I listened to him, I would have learned a great deal, and maybe it was supposed to be a point in my life to begin the emotional healing. I know, though, I wasn't ready then, however wonderful it would have been to be fully well before starting a family. Still, I was blessed with Khaled and his family who protected me and were my teachers over the years in a kind of preparation for what I am doing now.

I think we do what we can - when we can, and we can't wish, want, or expect more of ourselves than who we are.

I have to remember this for not only myself, but for others. When I think about things I've been through in life I tend to rehash the injustices for some kind of vindication. Look! See what the narcissist did to me! But NO. Maybe I should begin to see it as in - Look!! See what I learned from the narcissist in my life. It was difficult and painful but I learned that there was always a choice. I chose to stay in contact with the person for 30 of the 50 years. The first 20 I was a child and had no choice, but the last 30 were my own choice to serve the person who was destroying me. I must take some responsibility for that just as I take credit, now, for going no contact, using boundaries, loving and respecting myself.

I wonder if that angel was going to tell me to please learn to love yourself. Please find respect for yourself and others, and take better care of yourself. Your life will become brighter and way easier when you do these things first and foremost. Then, seriously start to plan how to go no contact with any and all toxic people in your life.

It was another almost 30 years before I was prepared, primed, and 'done' enough to surrender to this very idea. My God, we need to teach children in schools that they need to learn these fundamental life affirming things before ever attempting to go out into the world. Especially as the decades move on and more and more children are being raised by a narcissistic parent. We have to take a serious look at the numbers and provide the necessary help for these children who are otherwise on their own.

Anyway, the angel did have an effect on me that day, and I never forgot him. It was right after that event that I said yes to Khaled's proposal. The best decision I ever made in my whole life.