It is true that I am awake at 53 years old. Having learned from both mistakes and surrender, and it is true there is much more to learn. Still, instead of regrets for not finding this way earlier in life, and for not being able to be the wife and mother before that I am today, I am grateful for the now and the peace that is the shored-up foundation for Me.

It was evident to myself, even as a child, that I was lovable and had value, however briefly it was mirrored.

Somehow all of my life, even in the early years, I have loved myself.  I did find a way to see clearly then the truth of who I was deep inside.

Only, until the last few years, I haven't given to myself like I have given to others - nor had I taken care of myself. Now, though, I am doing just that, finding it's never too late.

Truth, as much as I have turned my back on it, has always been of the utmost importance. I shudder to admit that often truth for me is compromised by fear - and that is something I am working on now. The more I kick fear to the curb and bravely wear my truth, the more I find myself walking the talk.

When others see my vulnerability, they are seeing me as I see myself.  And authenticity is a state far beyond fear. This is a place where walking on eggshells just doesn't happen, where telling white lies isn't necessary, and where others opinions good or bad have no personal effect on how I feel about myself.

Walking away from toxicity is simple ... it's as if one is escorted right out and away from it - and if I cannot be myself in any situation or place, it is imperative I don't remain, and more so that I never return.

Being an empath, the awareness of my own feelings is key in managing the energy from people, places, and media. The ways in which I manage this are varied from meditation, prayer, essential oils, to writing. Home spa days... nature walks... and time with my English Angora rabbit and my parrot.

Awareness for me right now has me in therapy working to become better emotionally. I'm working on eliminating that fear and dishonesty that still creeps back when I least expect.

For the most part though at this point in recovery, I find it easy to walk away from oppression and toxicity. I absolutely refuse to walk on eggshells for anyone ever again, and being myself is the only person I ever want to be.

It is true that I am awake at 53 years old. Having learned from both mistakes and surrender, and it is true there is much more to learn. Still, instead of regrets for not finding this way earlier in life, and for not being able to be the wife and mother before that I am today, I am grateful for the now and for that peace which is my shored-up foundation.

Today I am my healing, better self ...  Taking one breath at a time, learning moment to moment, appreciating day after day, realizing that four weeks are one month and twelve months are one year of the decades of this wonderful life.