You are an empath. I would know you from a mile away. I love you like a brother/sister, and in this moment I wrap my arms around you and offer you Hope, Peace, Contentment.

I'm usually referring to being the daughter of a narcissistic 'mother,' however, today I'd like to shed hope for the people out there dealing with a narcissistic spouse or ex-spouse.

It's much the same deal, only if you weren't raised by a NM then it's that much more confusing and difficult to decipher the puzzle.

If you are the adult child of "normal" parents and happen to find yourself married to a narcissist, you are likely going to suffer until either you leave or the spouse leaves you.

The only way the spouse will be the one to leave you, is if you being the person of a normal family upbringing, set healthy personal boundaries and enforce them.  A narcissist will never stand for boundaries being placed of any kind.

In the beginning and for a while this will feel worse than when living with the narc, playing by the narcs rules, but I promise you it can soon become the best thing that ever happened to you besides the births of your children.

Narcs have a way though to get to us through any means they know of that will destroy us the most. If you are an empath, the best way would be your heart.  Your children... your self worth, .. your work.... your dreams...  and then after sometime you begin to blame yourself for what looks in the short term as the destruction of your life.

Just like with going no contact from an NM, going NC from a spouse brings on a million self doubting questions.  Why didn't I see this and why didn't I do that and how could I have believed this or that.. and the worst one... What is he/she saying about me now and to who??  You just cannot imagine what the narc is manufacturing next.  This is frustrating and stressful. The exhaustion and the anger are a combination for depression.

Know that there are dozens of folks who know who you are and love you.  Remember that you deserve to be loved and respected, and that when you recover from this setback/gift you will attract such a person.

You are the priority now and forever, followed by your children and parents, then siblings.  It is sometimes a learning process for empaths to really get this part of the recovery but it is essential that we do.

To avoid depression during this time extreme self love and care is essential.  Also, having someone to confide in like a good friend who understands what you are going through, or a therapist really is important in order to keep the momentum on healing.  Healing with a gentle guidance/nudge and encouragement feels good even as the ex is plotting your demise.  Validation and in so many cases, vindication, are great parts of therapy.

If you are becoming depressed there are only so many things you can do right now.  But that you have come this far you are still 'connected.'  This means you can reach out further to a therapist or even ask a family doctor to point you in the direction needed to start.

I wish instead of that black depression I went through, that I'd reached out for better help than taking meds and sleeping years of my life away.  I like the idea of electroshock therapy which I understand can be really useful with anesthesia. Maybe a combination of light medications and ECT just to start. A kick start as it were.

It's so much easier when the redcurrant thoughts of whys and if onlys are silenced, and replaced with either detailed answers and or "I. Don't. Cares."  When dealing with a narcissist, or better yet, dealing with the breakup with one, getting to the point of literally not caring is the most liberating thing ever.

Anger. Millions of justifications there are for this, but it doesn't matter. The only thing it gets us in the very end is the precursor for depression.  And depression robs us of time with our children and other loved ones... sometimes years......sometimes our lives.  Don't get me wrong you wouldn't be normal if you weren't angry at this point.  Only, we have to learn that this is destructive, and to look at it - feel it - know it - understand it...... And Let It Go.  Give yourself that gift.

If you are that fortunate person who has living "normal" parents, make it a goal to enjoy time with them again like before the narc came into your life.  You and your children will begin a new way of relating and enjoying each other also.  Life will become life again. For a moment, give yourself the love that you recall from early childhood - that unconditional, wonderful, warm, peaceful love that you remember in your mother's arms and on your father's knee.  We are never too old to allow ourselves to revisit these memories, feelings, .. Gifts.

You are an empath. I would know you from a mile away. I love you like a brother/sister, and in this moment I wrap my arms around you and offer you Hope, Peace, Contentment.