The Campaign of the Narcissist

Chuggy says let's take a look at how the narcissistic campaign goes.

A full blown narc campaign usually takes years to come to fruition.

Oh, it starts out normal. You have no idea the person's intentions are nefarious. In fact, you feel sorry for the person and find yourself trying to make up for what life has 'done' to them.

Reactions from you are what's called narcissistic supply for the narc. This would depend on how it is you react to the behaviors of the narc. It ranges from sympathy - to finally apathy, which begins years before it ends with the apathy.

In the meantime it is a myriad of ways in which the narc garners her supply. Usually it begins with sympathy then onto obligation to paying their way, supporting them, driving them everywhere they wish, carrying their items, you name it - it's all about them. When the day comes that you require anything of them you will be told flat out NO.

There are also these reactions which garner great narcissistic supply for the narcs:  Rage, anger, sadness, depression, and confusion.

You can be experiencing all of the above reactions to the narcs behaviors whilst still serving them.

You could drive them all over the state shopping for their whole family ... waiting hours while the narc shops leisurely, but the one time YOU want to shop in a department just for you - the narc is impatient and wants to leave NOW ... only you are driving - but still you rush yourself to finish.

They do things like if you are ill and cannot walk fast enough on an outing - LEAVE you there to catch your breath alone.  Once, after returning home to Pennsylvania from Florida in the Winter by car, she left me out in the snow with only flipflops on my bare feet in foot deep snow, holding my luggage. She had locked the door, I discovered, after limping up the back steps to the kitchen door. I had to stand outside freezing, ringing the doorbell until my husband came running to the door to let me in. He chose to ignore that she'd done this to me at the time.  I thought to myself, then, that this is about it. This woman HAS to go!!  It was right after this event that I began my own campaign to get rid of her. And as you all know it wasn't easy. Hints don't work. Forget it. Disappointment... forget that.  Passive aggression... you can forget that too...  It comes down to after a few years of trying all of this, finally telling her flat out, "LEAVE AND DON"T COME BACK."

They triangulate with your husband and children over many years of bullshit.

They expect that you are going to pay their way everywhere from living expenses to vacation trips - hotels, meals, admissions ... you name it. Then the one time you show up in their country they make it clear that THEY are not going to accommodate you. NO WAY. Not the narcs problem. You didn't even ask her. Other family members gathered to decide where you should stay on your arrival.  Even these other family members are shocked by the narcs answer.

Meanwhile, the cash-cow, the mark/victim of the narc has no idea any of this is really planned by the narc and meant destroy a marriage, family, happy home.

The narcissist NEVER betrays the cash cow. At least not in a way it can be proven for some years. She works on the ruin of all others who surround the cash-cow first.

Nice isn't it?  They aren't very clever in the end though, because they are all exactly the same, these narcissists. They all have the same exact boring traits and behaviors to the point that you can predict usually their next moves. Also, it does take years, but in the end they all either self destruct or die alone. And even that's not any measure of justice for the trails of destruction they leave over a lifetime. It's like when in the court cases, a murderer gets the death penalty, the family members of the victims always say, "It doesn't bring so and so back. We don't get our lives back."

Same with dealing with and finally purging a narcissist from your life.

And so it goes.

BUT. From the time we get these parasites out of our lives, and until we actually die and leave this earth, WE have the chance to have our lives full, whole, and well again. And we can teach our children and their children how to avoid allowing a narcissist into their lives - and we can help others like you all that come to this and other blogs.

There's something to be said for supporting each other in healthy ways and showing ourselves and others how to avoid becoming a victim of these narcissists in the future.