DETACHMENT

Well Said, here, Gail Meyers.  I would only add, "People who love you, will love you regardless of what a narcissist tells them. People who are interested in the truth inquire rather than (be silent) or accuse."

Aside from the behaviors of my narcissistic mother, the non belief and non love of these family and extended family members was the most painful experiences from which to move on.

But really, as Gail so elegantly puts it here - all that pain and anguish was for nothing because do you really want people in your life who care that little of you to begin with?  I mean, even if after years of proving who you really are to them, they come around and finally see the truth, all those years of hurt and devaluation don't just go away. You'd have to ask yourself  about what you worked so hard to prove?  And to whom and for what?

I wrote an off the top of my head ... thinking out loud ... manuscript in 1989 called Get the Message documenting everything from early childhood to my then age of 39 with these wackos - my family of origin.  I thought it was to discover what the deal was with my parents, but after rereading the manuscript a decade later, I realized it showcased clearly even more of my dismay and confusion with the enablers of the narcissist.

The manuscript was rife with slights and devaluations from the golden child, my eldest sister.

I was being totally honest in my search for meaning and understanding in writing the whole thing - It was a generous, all be it poorly written, display of absolute realness and vulnerability about which my golden child, covert narcissistic sister said was "Just Crazy" after reading.

The final assault on the assaulted.

Tell the truth with sincerity about the past and present dealings with a narcissistic family and what should you expect?  Only, then I didn't know this thing - this monstrous, confusing thing about which I was writing had a name and science to it called "Narcissism."

When I get totally well and my little sister is the same, for us one day a relationship might be wonderful. - But for all the others from my FOO to my extended FOO, it is no longer nor ever will be a desire of mine.

No punishment here nor devaluation involved - This is merely radical acceptance of what is, and enough self respect and self love to know and say aloud what is best for the future and for all time.

When kindness and love, and all efforts of reaching out to family and extended family have been met with negativity, ambiguity, and silence, one has to thank the Universe for allowing us in such a massive way to see the direction sometimes in which we seek acceptance would not lead to the place that will serve us best.