Giver's Remorse

So what's the deal with giver's remorse?

I had a hard time wrapping my head around this issue since it's one of the negative results of being raised by a narcissistic mother - one of which I never acquired.

By the grace of God, I leaned toward my dad's sincere generosity in life over the NM's absolute opposite attitude.

But, when a loved one wants to mirror the giving trait or the trait of generosity - but doesn't want to give, you see what I call "giver's remorse."

It's an awkward feeling being offered something by a person with this condition because you always hope that THIS time they actually want you to have this object or favor because they love you. It's again that fond fantasy about all of those affected family members which just never seems to come to fruition.

There is an element of control in the way a person takes away an item before actually relinquishing it, and in the case of a favor, it is begrudged almost on the spot. But directly after, you feel the resentment that they gave anything of themselves to you. And later still, you are bound to hear how you didn't appreciate such and such enough or at all in their opinion.

If this is, as so many things are, a reflection on the receiver or non receiver as it were, I have more to learn - because it seems to me all about the person suffering from giver's remorse. This person wants to do right, but feels slighted by their own attempts at generosity.

Nobody needs another to be generous - it's a wonderful thing that just happens from the heart of a generous person. I think the person with giver's remorse feels that generous people are looking for something in return and this couldn't be further from reality.

I guess this thing with giver's remorse is yet another category of toxic relating that doesn't seek to serve either the "nongiver" nor the loved one.

One could wonder why would you want such a person in your heart, but as a member of a narcissistic family, I can tell you that those of us who love... love deeply. We are sincere, vulnerable, and mostly, patient. All of us who keep loved one's in our heart and out of our lives, do hold out hope.

This does NOT include for the narcissist. They do not nor will they ever Love.  They know not love, have not love - nor do they want love. It repulses them.  I hold out absolutely no hope for my narcissistic mother and covert narcissistic golden child sister.  NONE.