What full Recovery looks like in a few words or Less

It took me the last five years to sort out and organize my thoughts and emotions well enough to tell a story and make a serious point without having to log a scattered document.

As a result of past traumas, my brain learned early on to store full memories and details of events in the same area that is meant for emotions.

This caused great difficulty in relating properly and clearly events which were especially trauma related.

As a result of my brain retraining, here is an account of the last trauma ever in my life just prior to my father's death.  It is told here in a clear and easy way to follow, which took me all of four or five minutes to record:

This is a comment I left on Youtube with Daylight out of Darkness:

You hit on something here for me.  I often said the NM I have tells the enablers what she wishes happened instead of the truth. For instance she had what became a habit of kicking me out of the family (for placing boundaries) but she cannot tell the enablers the real reason she kicked me out, so she totally embellishes the story.  The last time on a visit (I'd have to fly there) when because of her controlling all I said was "You cannot tell me what I am allowed to say to my father and what I am not. I will say whatever I want to him.".... She told me this is her house and if I don't like it I can just get out right now!!   She told the enablers she didn't understand why I left abruptly.  I was crazy.  Everyday life presented a problem here and there and my reactions were "crazy"..  She added that on the way out, I almost ran her down with my luggage and then I ran down the road pulling my luggage by foot!!  Further, my ill father had to chase me down the roadway and beg me to get into the car. 

 THE TRUTH IS that I packed my bags and started down the hallway where at the end my narcissistic mother stood to block me.  I stopped and waited but she obviously was starring me down not budging on purpose. Knowing her and wanting to both expose this to my father AND to get by her with my luggage, I called out loudly so my father could hear, "Could you please MOVE?"...   She immediately turned to look to see if he was looking and budged a foot or so as I slowly squeezed by, not touching her.  I waited in the driveway while my dad got his shoes on and came out to drive me to my sisters in the same neighborhood where I stayed until my new flight left.  Now what she told are lies.  Not really delusions yet for her.  But she eventually tells it so much and so often (according to my siblings) even years after I leave that surely she may end up believing it herself to a degree.  I'm not clear on that yet.  They are deliberate lies to not be detected for bad and wrong behavior. For justification.  And for the enablers to shake their heads with her and agree that I must be crazy. 

 I have seen her do this with me over the years about anyone she was targeting at the time.  It is repeated and repeated as she enjoys the whole reliving of the fabricated now delusion as it is reinforced by enablers that she is right.  She is good.  She is a victim and other people they love (my dad) and I love are victims of me.


Maybe it's more that early on my brain 'didn't' learn the correct way to store the details of an event separately from the emotional part of the event, and those details.

Whichever, for a very long time I found recording an emotionally charged injustice such as is above very daunting to spit out concisely.  I was back there reliving it and feeling it - which made calm organized on task requirements painfully daunting.

But you see here this problem has been solved.  With the therapies I have invested in and a diligent dedication to wellness, I am now able to relay exactly what happened in an emotionally charged trauma in a few paragraphs with no difficulty whatsoever.

Amazing.