The Slight of Hand often gets its way ...... When the Narcissist Rolls the Dice

My Narcissistic mother's jealousy of the love our father had for her children was her main motivation behind most of her kick-outs and the resulting devastation.

And this jealousy had to be masked because my father hated jealousy.  She used lies and diversions, kick-outs and more lies to both cover this up and to accomplish our alienation.

Only thing is....  it's so difficult I noticed for me to TELL the main point.. the pivoting point which is the REASON for why she would do such things.

Here is one example:

In the last blog entry I mention the major Kick-out in Lowman NY at the mobile home in which she'd settled with my dad.  I tell how NM didn't like the boundaries I was placing and so fourth, but the main reason she had for kicking me out of the family was FEAR.  She had one major lie hanging over her head that she feared would be exposed.

 She saw I was at the point where I didn't care if whatever I said would rock the boat.  And she was in danger of me spitting out the one thing she was afraid of.  A lie she told me about my father that if exposed, would surely be an upset he would NEVER be over.

Just prior to the sale of their home and buying this place, my dad retired from IBM and I threw him a big retirement party in my home in Wilkes Barre Pa.  I invited all his brothers and sisters and other relatives from all over the country.  People came from everywhere and he was so surprised!!  It was a wonderful day.  It was the first time to see many of them in decades and the last for my dad to see his family as it turns out.

Nothing was too much for my dad and NM Hated  that.  He loved me and I loved him and that was that.  Whatever she did or said to destroy that never totally took over the years, which clearly frustrated her.

I could go on and tell of the party but suffice it to say there were no holds barred and some of these relatives kept in touch with me until their deaths after this party.  They never forgot that day.  I'm not talking about having a lavish event...  We were young, .... Sarah was the baby still...  IT was about the LOVE that was so evident.  People were touched.  Happy for my dad.

Not too long after the event ... I think just over a year, NM gets me in the car on a visit (away from my dad) and tells me OUT OF THE BLUE (like so many devastating attacks by her) "Your dad doesn't ever want to come to your house again.  He told me that at Thanksgiving, Khaled was speaking Arabic with his friends who were there and your father was feeling left out.  Then he couldn't get away from them.  He would leave the room and they would follow him, speaking in Arabic.  Anyway, you know your father.  He's done.  Never wants to go back and that's that.  I'm telling you this so you finally STOP inviting us.  I don't want to have to be the one making excuses when you ask."     .....

!!  I was SHOCKED!!   You can imagine all the questions I had.  All the tears...  All the bewilderment.  Of course NM sat there stone faced.  Satisfied.

Satisfied, but.... that was on shaky ground.  If I didn't believe her, there was the possibility of me confronting my dad.  However she counted on the fact that I would believe her and choose not to humiliate my dad with what "he said."

This had to have been on her mind during the Lowman kick out.  It was a real possibility that I might bring this up to my father.  The more vocal I became during the shouting match, the more diversionary she was and THAT'S when she said "You need to leave here and not come back for at least five years."   Bam.  She was safe.

She was really lucky.  I never once told him.  Just in case he said anything like it.. Even if he only said he was insulted that Khaled was speaking Arabic and he couldn't understand..  I would NEVER hurt him with the fact that I knew he said anything like that.  And with my NM, I knew that usually her lies were sprinkled with other half truths - so you never knew exactly what to say or do about what she said.

The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt my dad.  So like she figured.  I never said a word.  Not even until his last breath.

Had I told him this worst of all her lies, (well for me anyway), he would have left her.  Religion or not.  He would have left her.

Narcissists don't really hesitate to roll the Dice.