Boundaries with Family - Childish or Necessary??

All of this and I did give it a try.

It wasn't easy. Not in the least.

You all came with me the last five years as I trudged through the toxic sludge of the NM and all her accomplices.

All of that while mourning the horrible death of my father who was tortured by the NM the last three weeks of his life as she withheld his morphine, telling him to be quiet and stop begging for help.

That alone - his death - was a trauma, but when you add on the narcissistic family dynamic - the trauma(s), and the work I've done to heal - one could hardly see this last five years as anything but challenging.

Then, add to the actual seeking of healing - the total dedication to becoming well while all the while being victimized by yet the last narcissist standing in my life. This was very serious. Not at all a petty whim or something that I or anyone should be able to stand.

Yet someone very close to me has voiced his opinion which I find very hard to respect. Even though it is everyone's right to have an opinion, and my respect for that right is evident, this particular opinion from one who has seen the whole thing come to fruition is puzzling and frankly, insulting.

Gosh at the risk of sounding like the NM who doesn't allow anyone an opinion, especially an insulting one - I do feel insulted.

I mean that last narc that I finally got out of my life was a part of my suffering before seeking so diligently,  this wellness. It was a major accomplishment to confront her and set boundaries to keep her from victimizing me ever again.

I was, and so many of you were really pleased with the fact that I had reached the point in my life where I could actually face a narc down and send them packing.

As you know this person is a sister in law, so she is still alive and well, mulling around amongst her own intimate family members where she now lives full time.

I guess once in a while the subject of this event is raised with and amongst family members there, so people have to deal with either telling her it's not their business and they're not playing, or listening to the smear campaign against me and then feeling guilty and or angry.

So this one person who I think very highly of and by the way I know it is his personality to avoid conflict, told me during Thanksgiving actually, that he thinks the whole thing between my sister in law and me is childish.  That's right. Childish. I mean he's entitled to his opinion, but ... childish???

Both on her part, taking advantage of us for ten years, and on my part for confronting her and putting an end to it. He mentioned the years I would cower and ask if she was in the house before leaving my room in an effort to avoid her. I mean the sight of her made me shudder. She would ask me what I wanted in my own house. "Oh, we don't have that."  Or, "Why are you looking in the refrigerator? What do you want?"

This person was so controlling and obnoxious before I got rid of her I would do anything to avoid having to answer her questions about why I was doing such and such in my own house.  And, yes, now that I think about it, my behavior was childish. But I couldn't help it then. That was before my healing. I was beaten down by narcissists at that point until there was very little left of me to fight. Not even for my own home, children, and husband.

BUT I did get better and I DID do it in the end. I don't see how that is childish. But, I usually value this person's opinions so I'll probably keep trying to see his point.

Still, this is no joke or game like narcissists do.

This is my recovery from extreme narcissistic abuse. Recovery isn't a game. It is seriously and diligently practiced and applied. I guess it's okay he told me the truth what he was thinking, and too, it was okay that I told him what I just said here - and that he still said it is childish in his opinion. That's just the way it works sometimes. We don't always have to agree, but we do have to respect the person.

Not sure if we have to respect the opinion. I cannot respect it this time, but I will always allow it.

I have tons of respect for the person.  Just very strange he doesn't seem to get it. Or is it me that doesn't seem to get it??  hmmmmmm

Trusting my gut.