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I don't either, so why does my post about the situation seem so??
Somewhere in this, I figured I was wrong. grrrrr..... :
Ten Points for dodging the wrath of roadrager:
Coming out of walmart parking lot, this person was coming in off the highway. I was waiting for her to come by in front of my car so I could turn left to go out. Instead, she sat on her horn waving her arms blocking my car from going left right or forward.
It was more important I guess to admonish my poor observance of the parking lot traffic rules than to keep going it seems.
OMG!! All I could think of was a bully kid in bumper cars screaming at ALL the other kids that they were playing it wrong!! Her face was so exaggerated it was funny!! I had to laugh.
Since my reaction was none really but to wave her out of my way with the back of my hand and a blown kiss, she went totally nuts.
While she was doing a donut to circle back and kill me, I took my left turn quick, but she chased me in from the right front as if I would stop and take her punishment and directions lol.
Only thing is she didn't know I've dealt with her kind before and beneath my calm reaction is a foot on the accelerator at the ready!! I nosed my SUV at her fancy little white sports car just as quick as she spun that donut!!
Seemed she didn't want the dent cause I wasn't backing down with the right of way and the green light cheering me on....lol.. She broke just before getting a good scrape as I blasted out onto the highway... In my rear view mirror I saw a little white sports car waaay back there turning then again into the walmart parking lot.
Such a cool way to come out of an attack!! Calm cool and collected and pleased hehe.. I didn't get upset .. not even for a moment. I remembered all my tools and used them. But it was kind of easy because she was so comical to begin with .. But in the end it wasn't all that funny since she was clearly wacked.
Yeah, I thought to myself. Welp, I didn't fire back mad, no.. I didn't even get mad even in the end. I only focused on my reaction remaining calm or "normal." But she is for sure still burning and stomping around walmart now like a maniac.
Oh well, see an old lady with white or grey hair and expect her to be a pushover ... if you wish .. But watch it... hehe wink emoticon xx
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After that, the same facebook friend said, "Wow, what a woman you are." I thought hmmmmm yeah I don't know, it does seem it wasn't very womanly. So I answered "We farm girls don't mess around." Which was meant to imply she and I were raised working on farms and so from our most inner depths, any tough spot isn't too tough for us.
I do that. I noticed I like to enjoin others in my reasoning's for my actions. You know what? That's wrong. I am realizing here that I don't need to to that. I don't need to prop up my decision making with others' (who btw may not even agree as you see happened here).
It's important to note here that this behavior (using others to shore up one's own questionable behaviors is a narcissist trait). You all know where that came from deep down in my psyche. But it goes TODAY.
The other kind of narcissist thing I did in the conflict was to blow that kiss. I just had to piss her off more. That's what narcs do. AND then when she totally flipped and came after my car, I was proud of my behavior!!
I can see with this little example that I still have more work to do in shedding all that was learned since birth. Funny thing is the post was supposed to showcase my recovery, how I reacted in a better way that in prior times. This was the first time (that I can think of now) I used a narcissist's tactics to get through something like this and I thought I did so well.
The reason I did well for me was that I didn't get upset. My heart rate didn't even change, but still... using narc tactics to deal with narcs isn't going to cut it for getting well. That is NOT the wellness solution I want for me.
I do give myself points for not getting angry, but for adding to this persons negativity with passive aggression and the narcissistic blown kiss, my points were revoked really on the spot.
My dilemma:
When a person confronts and attacks me (very unusual btw) I don't want to feel threatened, fear, anger... all those negative emotions. Mostly, I don't want to drive away feeling like I didn't take care of myself, which only leads to negative self talk.
Turns out now I also don't want to avoid those emotions by being immature and laughing at the person and using passive aggressive tactics.
So yeah. Not too bad, but next time I'll have to do better. No kiss.. no laughing. That's going to be the growth. The test. To not get upset without using negativity as a shield from negativity.
We'll see....
I do that. I noticed I like to enjoin others in my reasoning's for my actions. You know what? That's wrong. I am realizing here that I don't need to to that. I don't need to prop up my decision making with others' (who btw may not even agree as you see happened here).
It's important to note here that this behavior (using others to shore up one's own questionable behaviors is a narcissist trait). You all know where that came from deep down in my psyche. But it goes TODAY.
The other kind of narcissist thing I did in the conflict was to blow that kiss. I just had to piss her off more. That's what narcs do. AND then when she totally flipped and came after my car, I was proud of my behavior!!
I can see with this little example that I still have more work to do in shedding all that was learned since birth. Funny thing is the post was supposed to showcase my recovery, how I reacted in a better way that in prior times. This was the first time (that I can think of now) I used a narcissist's tactics to get through something like this and I thought I did so well.
The reason I did well for me was that I didn't get upset. My heart rate didn't even change, but still... using narc tactics to deal with narcs isn't going to cut it for getting well. That is NOT the wellness solution I want for me.
I do give myself points for not getting angry, but for adding to this persons negativity with passive aggression and the narcissistic blown kiss, my points were revoked really on the spot.
My dilemma:
When a person confronts and attacks me (very unusual btw) I don't want to feel threatened, fear, anger... all those negative emotions. Mostly, I don't want to drive away feeling like I didn't take care of myself, which only leads to negative self talk.
Turns out now I also don't want to avoid those emotions by being immature and laughing at the person and using passive aggressive tactics.
So yeah. Not too bad, but next time I'll have to do better. No kiss.. no laughing. That's going to be the growth. The test. To not get upset without using negativity as a shield from negativity.
We'll see....
1 comment:
So funny! And reflective. I need to think about that too.
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