Overtaking the hurdle of Selfrespect in Healthy Relating

Well well well.....

I come across this one and see that the all so important validation seeking needs to be reeled in.    

Validation is a tricky thing.  First part of my life, my own validation was nonexistent - not allowed - never hoped for.  Second part of my life it became a part of my healing - a necessity.  

Now, at the golden years of my life, validation is something I give myself on occasion, ask of my spouse on the rare occasion, and experience and do for others when the timing is right.  Other than that, it is not a forefront issue anymore.

Now, when someone dismisses me and or my shared thoughts or opinions, I learn from the experience.  The more I learn, the less I am dealing with people who tend to behave as such.  Hence the less this even becomes an issue in my life.

At this point in my healing I have discovered there are still others who are so wounded and unhealed that having them in my inner circle could be a source of negativity. These still wounded souls cannot help but be distrustful, dismissive, and in effect, cruel, actually. They are so wounded that in limping along emotionally, they cannot gather the maturity and strength for reciprocate, respectful relating. And I cannot ask them for and or hope for something they don't have to give.

I feel accomplished that I actually learned this recently:   When I notice in relating with someone who over and over is dismissive of me and my issues while I am supportive of them and theirs.....  I can and must cut them loose.  This I do now instead of having endless patience waiting for them to "come around" ... in their emotional maturity - to learn from my example .. lol.. ..  Most still-wounded people aren't up to learning from others' examples. Even those seeking healing. If they are stuck at some point in healing, they are not going to learn anything from me or my examples of allowing myself to me unheard, used, and dismissed.  After all, what would they learn anyway?  How to be a doormat?  What was I thinking.


There is no choice but to move on, cultivating my own emotional growth and healthier relating abilities.

So onward and upward it is... Without the slightest guilt about 'giving up' on still wounded people.  

Moving on and giving up are two different things.  I've moved on, but at any point should anyone new in my life or old in my life want to relate in respectful ways, I'm all ears as I keep moving, yet keep respecting myself and others.