New Horizons.... Bye bye to the old and ON with with New........as we practice new communication skills .. "Reflective Listening".

Moving on from the grief work to ongoing healthy relationships -

Still need the reminders to push myself to avoid periods of, or to interrupt periods of unproductivity.

Tell you what. There certainly are days that I still find myself cycling back to the precipice of emotional limbo.  That paralysing feeling that just has you from an emotional standpoint.  The ever present threat of the returning mind trap.

But tsk tsk... not so fast.

I can though say that the grief work is finished.  After five years in recovery, I have completed this all important work.

At the completion of the grief work, I realized that in place of the despair for what should have been and never will be..... (with the family of origin)  I found that AN appreciation for what is... just slid it's way in.  For real.  I appreciate having come through everything it took to get me this healing.

The reason I know for sure it is complete is if someone were to offer to me what I wanted all those years of my family of origin...  A loving real mother...  Family members who were healthy and supportive and understanding and Loving....  Real and safe relationships with them.

UH...  I'd say... "No thanks".   I really would.  If by some miracle the FOO found counseling and healing, I say more power to them.  Good. Go for it.  Get better and stay better.  For you.  Not for me. Stay better and stay better there.

Not angry.  Just saying.  I am finally over it.  Finally not wishing or seeking for anything.   And I have to say that it feels great being totally out of practice jumping through hoops and twisting myself into pretzels!!

This stance can't be shaken by any miracle in any shape or form.  I can wish people well and really mean it........ and as well as keeping boundaries forever, likewise meaning it.

Grief work has been replaced for me now with practicing a new balance in my home with my husband.

We emptied our lives of narcissists and now it is us, our independent adult children, extended family, and friends.

Our personal relationship has always been good so this balancing act using my new tools for emotional growth is pretty easy.  Still, it's necessary.

It's true that if one person changes in a relationship and gets better, all other players must also react and adjust...  in effect, also change in tweaks here and there.

Khaled is finding himself held accountable for minute items in conversation and I am accountable also for the same and for spending habits.

We have the added stumbling block of English being Khaled's second language, not to mention his birth culture being totally different than mine, but we manage pretty well.

It is kind of new that I am insisting on being heard and him reflecting what it is he heard me say.  And I noticed recently, him doing the same with me!!  That was funny and it is fun.  It really makes a difference in the quality of communication.