Dismissing someone’s Pain comes off as Devaluation

Okay I want to talk about dismissing and devaluation.  How this affects especially one who is going through a particularly difficult emotional time.

At any point in a relationship, dismissing and devaluing is unproductive, but in a time of expressed pain, such behavior is especially difficult.

Telling someone to “get over it” is a dismissive reaction. And refusing to try to understand beyond one's own beliefs results in devaluation. 

There is a difference between being supportive and being obligated to take on a person’s pain in a burdensome way.  No one is obligated to take on another's pain, nor should they.  One can be supportive AND not "shoulder" the pain at the same time.

All or nothing – black and white thinking leads one to incorrectly see things in exaggerated and distorted ways.  This thought pattern brings confusion in relating.

A person who thinks and behaves in such a way might say all in the same breath, two conflicting beliefs.

“I am supportive with this person who is sorting emotional trauma, but (The person said the whole year has been full of trauma) I told the person their reaction is ridiculous because they are not able to see how great things are beyond the traumas.”

Unfortunately, this person is unable or unwilling to understand that multiple traumas within a six month period are ample reason for seeing the year as an overall disappointment.

Yes there can always be MORE traumas, but YAY there weren’t. But that’s not the point!  The point is what HAS happened.  What IS being sorted and recovered from. That’s the point. 

Dismissing someone’s pain comes off as devaluation.